Money in, money out

Read an article about this guy that decided to retire at 45 years old. He was a financial consultant, and had prepared well for this eventual day. His wife wanted to wait a few more years before following in his footsteps.

Anyway, he stated that his retirement income was around 80k a year, and his wife earned about the same. So, we are looking at $160 k, or $13k (gross) per month.

For 98% of America, that would be a sweet retirement income. But not for this turd. He said he needed to do some side work to supplement their income. Say what? Okay…he then went on to list some of his expenditures, one of which was “daycare”, and not the $200 a week kind of day care. My first thought? “Lazy Fuck. You are retired. Watch your own damn kid”. My second thought? “Lazy Fuck. You are retired. Stop pawning your kid off to some childcare worker.”

Anyway, this guy had expenditures that were convenient, but hardly necessary. Give me ten minutes with his “budget” and I can trim that shit down to pragmatism in seconds flat.

I am now into my 7th year of retirement, and here is what I have found:

(1) I get to fully exercise my 1st Amendment rights, and “feelings” are not a variable in my speech algorithm.

(2) It is not about how much money is coming in, it is about how much is going out

(3) I can reflect on all my civilian bosses, and realize I was right. They WERE all assholes who got promoted for the wrong reasons.

(4) I do not need a hobby to keep from getting bored. Playing Mr. Mom keeps me plenty occupied.

(5) My phone rings less in a month then it used to ring in a day

(6) I can outlast service representatives when they put me on a “brief hold”

(7) Daytime TV is way better when you have Streaming Services

(8) “Alarm” clocks can just be “Clocks”

(9) Calendars are just so you know when trash day is

Well, that is a wrap. Anybody else retired that has had an epiphany or two, just leave them in the comments section!

Pre-emptive Choco strike

I read a couple of stories about how Hershey’s is complaining that they are having a hard time getting raw cocoa, and that they will not be able to meet the demands for Halloween.

Welcome to inflation, Hershey.

So, not sure if this is a warning volley that chocolate will be in short supply/high demand……or just another excuse to jack up the prices so they can make their end-of-year bottom line inflated.

I am going with that one. But does not matter, because it will double in price be 24 October. So, I went early. Like today.

We get ours at a wholesaler called GFS (Gordon Food Service). Their prices are decent, and we can buy more for less. We get the same every year. 2 bags. Last year -$10.99 a bag for 120 bars. This year – $12.99 for 120 bars. Tolerable increase. I bet in the next 60 days these bad boys jump to $24 a bag.

The hardest part? Leaving these tempting waist builders alone for 90 days.

Dancing with Myself

We all know that glamor commercials are undergoing massive changes as people become concerned that little girls are made to feel less than perfect and extremely self conscience. Ultimately it can leave to a lack of confidence, which then leads to serious depression….and nothing good comes from an 11 year old stuck in a world of massive depression.

So commercials are making things right by including women/models that are not defined by size 2 clothes, or Victoria Secret features. This is a good thing.

BUT…and a big but in my book, what about all these commercials that focus on group dance routines? You know, perfectly choreographed with people that either have a serious natural talent or have taken expensive dance lessons. This is not realistic, either. Since a large (Read that: LARGE) majority of people dance like a 3 legged camel on frozen ice, then this could lead them to believe they are less that perfect. To me, it is no different than the body aspect, as it can cause a child to be withdrawn and become anti-social. They either skip the prom or become the ultimate wall flower.

It reminds me of the Mastercard commercial from years ago, where the three boys are dancing to George Clinton’s “We got the Funk.” Now THESE boys did not give a crap about their dancing techniques, but many do, and it can be crushing to their self confidence.

Barber vs. Salon

Cupcake is making an appointment to get her hair done before school starts. Get that? Make an appointment. Not just walk in. Of course, it isn’t just a “haircut”. It is a style, coloring, something called balayage, fluff, layer, blow dry, and a price tag to reflect all these things. An hour later he is still snipping. Not sure what, because he has been snipping the same square inch since 30 minutes ago. He has 9 different types of brushes, each one seems to require 100 strokes, and then more snipping. When he is finally done, there does not seem to be any residual hair on the floor. Huh. Then comes the blow dry, with comb motions that defy physics.

All done.

I am a guy.

I go to my barber. Walk in. He says “hey”. I say “hey”, I sit down, he cuts my hair. I give him a $20. Done. The entire thing takes 20 minutes. No reservation book. No “how would you like this today?”. No words spoken concerning my gray hairs. Just the sound of scissors and trimmers, while I watch whatever sports he has on the TV.

Flexible Narrative?

Liberal America:

2 years ago: Everybody MUST get a shot or lose your job, no travel, no entrance to businesses. Complete shutdown. Vax documentation required!

Today: My body, my choice

6 months ago: No more pronouns! He can identify as she! Biology does not matter! Men can get pregnant!

Today: Men have no say in Roe V. Wade as they do not get pregnant!

6 years ago: Colin Kaper-dick can kneel if he wants to ! It is his right! We support all of those that choose to kneel on National TV!

Today: A High School football coach kneel before a game? Say what? Fire his ass!

SUPREME COURT JUSTICES TODAY: FUCK LIBERALS. THE CONSTITUTION WINS. THE END.

Epiphany of choices

I was just washing the breakfast dishes, thinking about what to make for dinner on my day to cook (Cupcake and I alternate days), and thought that this was a source of stress for me. Trying to come up with something different. I thought, no wonder so many older couples just go out to eat. I mean, the cost to eat in is catching up to the cost of eating out, right?

Then it occurred to me that deciding where to eat everyday would be just as stressful as deciding what to make at home. And it hit me…the master of all epiphanies: This has nothing to do with dinner, I am just tired of making choices!

Yeah. You go your whole life making choices. Choices like what to wear. No wonder 80 year old men do not give a crap if the shirt is checkered, the pants are plaid, and the socks do not match. That is just one less choice they have to make on that day.

What shampoo do I use? Dish detergent? Toilet paper? What about what car to buy? Do I buy brand name or generic? Hell, even at the gas pump: 87, 89 or 93? What TV show interest us tonight? Should we stream Netflix, Prime, or HULU? Should my sandals be closed toe of open toe, open back or strapped?

Anyway, I could list a million of them, and they all make me tired. So what to make for dinner will just have to continue to be irritating. Or not. Damn. Another choice.

Timely Transitions

Cupcake and I are listening to the greatest hits of the sixties, and at this moment it is Petula Clark’s “Downtown”. Got me to thinking about Generational Updates –

60’s, we all shopped “downtown”

70’s/80’s we all shopped “the mall”

90/00’s we all shopped “at Wally’s”

2010/current we all shop “Amazon Prime”.

I wonder if this a better way to define progress, laziness, or societal destruction?

Routine + Age = Necessity

When we are younger, for the most part we did not want routine. We wanted life to be spontaneous, exciting, unpredictable. If it did not work out, no problem, we just go another new direction. We never went the same way when we hit another fork-in-the-road.

As we get older, that freaking routine becomes a game saver. I am finding myself forgetting more things lately. Not “Alzheimer’s” forget, more like “Where the hell is the remote?” forget.

So I am learning to embrace routine. Those things that I have done so often that it becomes an unconscious action: Putting my keys on the key hanger as soon as I enter the house, putting the remote on the left end table by the Kleenex, checking to make sure the doors/windows are locked as we go to bed, putting my glasses on the wine table when I take them off for the night. Stuff like that.

If I have to think about it, then we are at 50/50 that I will remember. Kind of like making a grocery list rather than relying on my brain to remember what I am going shopping for.

Any of my more senior followers find yourself in the same boat?

Re-Categorize

In the interest of bipartisanship, and so that I can justify my “dislike of people” on a simpler scale, rather than subdivide them into Conservative vs Liberal, or Democrat vs Republican, I am going a new direction.

They will now be categorized by “Wheel of Fortune” contestants or “Jeopardy” contestants.

If you cannot figure out what I am doing here, then just go ahead and jump into the “Wheel of Fortune” queue.

But he is a sweetheart!

Next Door Neighbor announced another loose dog in our neighborhood. The picture showed a very large gray Pit Bull. Of course the owners say “he will never hurt a fly, he is a sweetheart”.

News Flash: No he isn’t.

They are very loyal to their owner/handler, but EVERYONE ELSE is a threat and fair game. They will attack. It is bred into them for hundreds of years. You would have better luck convincing me your duck hates water.

Now when I walk our Pug, I carry a sweet S&W 9mm, loaded, chambered, and with no safety. The dog is not an issue with me as he will be dead long before he approaches snapping proximity. But Cupcake…..she only goes with a whistle and a prayer.

Make no bones about it: she gets hurt, the dog’s owner is on a limited oxygen supply, so my advice is simple: secure your damn dog.